{"id":171,"date":"2013-11-17T14:50:31","date_gmt":"2013-11-17T22:50:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cronymag.com\/c\/?p=171"},"modified":"2013-11-18T08:48:01","modified_gmt":"2013-11-18T16:48:01","slug":"andrew-foster-the-game","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/cronymag.com\/c\/?p=171","title":{"rendered":"Andrew Foster<\/strong>: “The Game”"},"content":{"rendered":"

THE GAME<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sometimes I had this really strong feeling when I was a kid that<\/p>\n

it was all a game\u2014like we were pieces in this big game, being<\/p>\n

played by really big powerful other organisms\u2014the feeling was I<\/p>\n

guess what people would call God\u2014but more like a bunch of gods\u2014<\/p>\n

I say a bunch of gods because it felt not like there was one mind<\/p>\n

thinking out everything that\u2019s happening here on earth\u2014more it felt like<\/p>\n

there are many smaller minds\u2014of course each really powerful\u2014but<\/p>\n

smaller than one big god would be\u2014so all these smaller powers are<\/p>\n

out there and in severe conflict trying to control the game\u2014this planet<\/p>\n

that is amusing for them but of course has all the crappy things of life<\/p>\n

on earth in store for us\u2014the pain the blood the rape\u2014well I<\/p>\n

don\u2019t know\u2014obviously I have no idea what is actually going on<\/p>\n

but I do know I sure had that feeling a lot\u2014I don\u2019t get it as much<\/p>\n

now that I\u2019m older\u2014only now and then\u2014but only when I\u2019m<\/p>\n

in one of those times in my life where everything is totally crazy<\/p>\n

and nothing is normal or the way it should be\u2014at those times I get<\/p>\n

the feeling that I\u2019m being played and there are battles going on<\/p>\n

between big powerful beings that don\u2019t like each other and<\/p>\n

we humans are the weapons they fight with.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

One time I told my grandfather about this feeling\u2014I was about ten\u2014<\/p>\n

he sat me on his knee and said,\u00a0Now I want you to say again to me<\/i><\/p>\n

what you just said so I\u2019m sure I understand you<\/i>\u2014I told him again\u2014<\/p>\n

he hit me hard\u2014he gave me a quick choke and held my ear to open it wide<\/p>\n

so it would hear everything he was going to say\u2014he said that if he knew<\/p>\n

one thing, he knew I\u2019d been reading a book I shouldn\u2019t have or<\/p>\n

watching some bad TV\u2014he said to forget the whole idea because it<\/p>\n

was a lie\u2014I promised to forget it\u2014but in some ways I swear I got the<\/p>\n

\u201cgame\u201d feeling more and more and stronger after he got so mad\u2014it kept<\/p>\n

bubbling up all my childhood years\u2014that\u2019s something I\u2019ve noticed about<\/p>\n

anger, that when someone gets mad at you for doing something, you<\/p>\n

think about whatever the something was\u2014a lot\u2014and you want to<\/p>\n

do it again\u2014and again\u2014because it might get rid of the anger if<\/p>\n

you do\u2014so secretly in my room at night it felt good to think maybe<\/p>\n

indeed there are huge powerful beings controlling us smaller ones<\/p>\n

for their secret purposes\u2014like it made my grandfather\u2019s power<\/p>\n

small and he could dry up and blow away\u2014although of course there\u2019s<\/p>\n

always the other side of things\u2014he did some really nice things for me<\/p>\n

and actually left me a bit of money when he kicked the bucket.<\/p>\n

 
\n <\/p>\n

Andrew Foster writes poetry and prose, but he also makes YouTube video art under the alias Wes Civilz. He has a story titled \u201cBlack Friday Sales Event Master\u201d forthcoming in\u00a0<\/em>Accenti\u00a0magazine, and is currently at work on a memoir about lust. He lives next to a dope cactus in dusty Tucson, Arizona.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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